Over-reported story of the week

[Leigh Meyers <leighcmeyers@xxxxxxxxx>]

One viewed headline this week on this topic qualified it:

Paris, now doing even less
Aug. 8, 2006. 06:31 AM
VINAY MENON
http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_PrintFriendly&c=Article&cid=1154988609872&call_pageid=968867505075

Paris Hilton makes news even when she's not making news.

"I'm not having sex for a year," the nattering heiress told British GQ 
recently. "I'll kiss but nothing else."

Oh. My. God! Only kiss? Nothing else? What a selfless martyr!

Realizing such a revelation could alter the course of human history, the 
Associated Press cobbled together a few PR-issued highlights of the 
interview. The rehash was picked up by news outlets across the planet, 
usually with some variation on the headline, "Paris Hilton to Magazine: 
I'm Celibate."

The online caption with ABC News's story was particularly informative: 
"In the new British edition of GQ magazine, the Hilton Hotels heir and 
uber-socialite denies leading a promiscuous lifestyle and insists she is 
`very shy,' describes how easy it is for her to make money, and says she 
relates to the photographer-hunted Princess Diana."

Yesterday, the Treaty of Paris was discussed on Live With Regis and 
Kelly (and other TV shows) as the shocking! revelations were hastily 
scrutinized:

#
Paris has only had sex with two men!

#
Paris earns $500,000 just to show up at parties!

#
Paris thinks sweat is gross!

#
Paris doesn't know much about Tony Blair!

As one commentator on CNN pointed out, the "story" proves "you don't 
have to have talent or even a basic knowledge of world affairs to be 
rich and famous."

Yeah, yeah. But, really, no sex for a year? What other personal 
sacrifices might Paris disclose in the weeks ahead?

As a public service â and to help overworked news editors prepare for 
future Paris Revelations â here are 50 Other Things Hilton Will Not Do 
This Year (Or Ever):

1. Learn a foreign language

2. Compete on Jeopardy!

3. Drive a Kia

4. Calculate pi

5. Help save the rainforest

6. Sort the recycling from the garbage

7. Hand wash frilly delicates

8. Ask for more breadsticks at Olive Garden

9. Write a manifesto

10. Daydream

11. Break the sound barrier

12. Make a political statement

13. Take in a confused vagabond

14. File for bankruptcy protection

15. Read in a public library

16. Dress prudishly

17. Poop'n'scoop

18. Address the United Nations in a closed session

19. Adopt a third-world orphan

20. Algebra

21. Become a volunteer firefighter

22. Open for Coldplay

23. Split an atom

24. Throw a surprise birthday party for Nicole Richie

25. Negotiate a peace treaty in the Middle East

26. Clip a coupon

27. Discover a cure for gingivitis

28. Rob a convenience store

29. Inspire a lost generation

30. Reflect

31. Influence a federal election

32. Film a commercial for Weight Watchers

33. Lead an archeological dig

34. Befriend a hot-dog vendor

35. Learn the difference between your and you're

36. Walk and chew gum

37. Tickle a monkey

38. Paint her own nails

39. Appreciate the classics

40. Conserve

41. Forge a signature

42. Date a slob

43. Forage for grubs

44. Discover a new universe

45. Repair a small appliance

46. Start a grassroots movement

47. Think

48. Brave the elements

49. Be in on the joke

50. Honour her vow of celibacy

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