PEN-L message, Re: apocryphal soviet screw factory

In a message dated 8/21/2004 7:31:36 PM Central Standard Time, mlebowit@xxxxxx writes: the famous Krokodil cartoon ('The factory fulfills its plan') with workers carrying one giant screw. My own favourite is the phenomenon of 'gold-plating', in cases where the plan was based on value-- so you have the clothing firm using a very expensive material for the lining of jackets. Nothing apocryphal about these--- the soviet press regularly printed denunciations; they weren't anomalies, though, but flowed directly from the combination of self-interest and the impossibility of completely specifying a plan.

Comment

The ten pound screw would work wonderful in a five hundred pound bicycle. What a bureaucratic response to a bureaucratic structure of organization. Apparently . . . no one followed the screw from raw material to machining to shipping to actual usage. Or the fellow that followed the screw from raw material to actual usage had his palms greased to confirm the systematic fulfillment of plans.

"Comrades . . . we have fulfilled the plan ahead of schedule and raised production to a higher level."

Where did the screw go?

"To its point of destination for confirmation."

How will the screw be used?

"In varies socialist products that becomes functional as the result of this product."

Can you give me the specific details?

"That's in Comrade Melvin P's report."

Where is Comrade Melvin?

"At the sight of implementation to verify the fulfillment of the plan."

When will he be back?

"Once the plan has been verified."

Being a communist does not make one a factory manager . . . or a stock chaser . . . or a machinist . . . or a good accountant. One can only sacrifice Red for expert . . . for so long.

Then there was Lysenko.

Talk abour being screwed . . . with ten pounds.

Anyone know where an old Red can buy an "Order of Lenin Medal" for cheap or a "Hero of Labor Medal?" I got some rubles put up but always wanted a "Hero of Labor Medal" . . . which basically meant you showed up for work all the time . . . something I was never really good at.

As a young man on Fridays . . . forget about seeing me . . . because the afternoon shift was paid Thursday night before the 8:00 pm lunch break. I had a lion in my pocket and buddy I was ready to roar. There were no ten pound screws but a lot of screwing up with the auto giants hiding hundreds of thousands of unsold cars on parking lots throughout greater Detroit. It was cheaper to sell the cars at a lose than not produce them at one point in the cycle.

Melvin P.