JFK's Secret Strategy revealed

[Shane Mage <shmage@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

The STRATWHOR INTELLIGENCE BRIEF has revealed Dumbocratic
presidential candidate John F Kerry's four-step plan to take
over the White House:

1.)  Change his name to John F Kerredy and his campaign slogan
      from "The Real Deal" to "JFK-The Real Second Coming," and
      nominate Senator John McCain as his Vice-President.

2.)  Make an all-out effort to convince Republicon voters-but
      not too many of them--that A VOTE FOR NADER IS A VOTE FOR
      BUSH (if this strategy is too successful, switch to an effort
      to persuade Nader voters that A VOTE FOR BUSH IS A VOTE
      FOR NADER).

3.)  Attack Bush for not making enough efforts to overthrow
      Venezuela's Marxist president Hugo Chavez.

4.)  The October Surprise to end all Surprises, Operation CRapture.
       On Halloween 2004 a secret Dumbocratic agent, pissed at
       having His name repeatedly disclosed in vain by Republicons,
       is to translate the US Supreme Court, all Bushit electoral-college
       candidates, and all born-again Politicians to a specially
       prepared Darkside location in the Sea of Hypocrity known
       as Camp X-Rated (V, L, no S).

but STRATWHOR has also learned that Republicon strategist Karl Rove
has formulated the following counter-strategy:

1.)   Dump Chaney and nominate Rudolf Giuliani for the Vice-Presidency.

2.)   Make an all-out effort to convince Dumbocratic voters--but
       not too many of them--that A VOTE FOR NADER IS A VOTE FOR
       KERREDY (if this strategy is too successful, switch to an effort
      to persuade Nader voters that A VOTE FOR KERREDY IS A VOTE
      FOR NADER).

3.)  Promise to extend Plan Colombia to Venezuela.

4.)  Replace Kerredy's Secret-Service bodyguards with a new
      elite force drawn from the Dallas Police Department.

STRATWHOR'S ANALYSIS:

Since it is overwhelmingly likely that the Electoral College
will be unable to elect a president, or even to convene, the
election will be decided by the House of Representatives
which, as usual, will vote with virtual unanimity to elect
ARIEL SHARON as the 44th President of the USA.