Subject: Al-Gebra
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual,
later discovered to
be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to
board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare,
and a calculator.
Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is a
member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged
with carrying weapons
of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed.
They desire average solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go
off on a tangent in a search of absolute value.
They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names
like "x" and "y",
and, although they are frequently referred to as
"unknowns", we know
they really belong to a common denominator and are
part of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the great Greek philanderer isosceles used to
say, there are 3 sides
to every angle, and if God had wanted us to have
better weapons of math
instruction, He would have given us more fingers and
toes.
Therefore, I'm extremely grateful that our
government has given us a
sine that it is intent on protracting us from these
math-dogs who are so
willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.
These statistic bastards love to inflict plane on
every sphere of influence.
Under the circumferences, it's time we
differentiated their root, made
our point, and drew the line.
These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal
everything in their math on a scalene never before
seen unless we become
exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in
random facts of vertex.
As our Great Leader would say, Read my ellipse.
Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though
they continue to
multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse
will tighten around
their necks.