FW: Bush saves money

["Devine, James" <jdevine@xxxxxxx>]

Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 13:27:08 -0300
Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India

Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and 
the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush 
announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and 
transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in 
Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush 
at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, 
"the American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of 
those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs 
by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save 
on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian 
replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month.

The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift. 
Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous. 
How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they 
know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she was being escorted
out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, 
Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given ten 
minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building. "I think it's a 
great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure 
undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive 
do-nothing Congress which didn't always give the President everything he 
asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much cooperative to the 
President, which is what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be 
unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to decide, 
but as you know, they usually see things our way."

The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are 
receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support Centre 
Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told 
reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our best 
as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun 
too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to 
spend!"

[of course, the question arises why Bush _needs_ to out-source Congress.]

Jim