FW: Los Alamos Tightens Up

[Richardson_D <Richardson_D@xxxxxxx>]

> IMPORTANT MEMO 
> To: All staff, Los Alamos National Laboratory 
> From: Bill Richardson, Secretary of Energy 
> Dear staff members: 
> Effective Monday: 
> 1. The brown paper bag in which we store the computer disk drives that
> contain the nation's nuclear secrets will no longer be left on the picnic
> table at the staff commissary during lunch hour. It will be stored in the
> "vault." I know this is an inconvenience to many of you, but it's a sad
> sign of the times. 
> 2. The three-letter security code for accessing "the vault" will no longer
> be "B-O-B." To confuse would-be spies, that security code will be
> reversed. Please don't tell anybody. 
> 3. Visiting scientists and graduate students from Libya, North Korea and
> mainland China will no longer be allowed to wander the hallways without
> proper identification. Beginning Monday, they will be required to wear a
> stick-on lapel tag that clearly states, "Hello, My Name Is . . . ." The
> stickers will be available at the front desk. 
> 4. The computer network used for scientific calculations will no longer be
> hyperlinked via the Internet to such Web sites as www.moammar.com,
> www.swedechicks.com or www.hackers-r-us.com. Links to all Disney sites
> will be maintained, however. 
> 5. Researchers bearing a security clearance of Level 5 and higher will no
> longer be permitted to exchange updates on their work by posting
> advanced-physics formulas on the men's room walls. 
> 6. On "Bowling Night," please check your briefcases and laptop computers
> at the front counter of the Bowl-a-Drome instead of leaving them in the
> cloakroom. Mr. Badonov, the front-counter supervisor, has promised to
> "keep un eye on zem" for us. 
> 7. Staff members will no longer be allowed to take home small amounts of
> plutonium, iridium or uranium for use in those "little weekend projects
> around the house." That includes you parents who are helping the kids with
> their science fair projects. 
> 8. Thermonuclear devices may no longer be checked out for "recreational
> use." We've not yet decided if exceptions will be made for Halloween, the
> Fourth of July or New Year's Eve. We'll keep you posted. 
> 9. Employees may no longer "borrow" the AA batteries from the burglar
> alarm system to power their Game Boys and compact-disc players during
> working hours. 
> 10. And, finally, when reporting for work each day, all employees must
> enter through the front door. Raoul, the janitor, will no longer admit
> employees who tap three times on the side door to avoid clocking in late.
> I know this crackdown might seem punitive and oppressive to many of you,
> but it is our sworn duty to protect the valuable national secrets that
> have been entrusted to our care. 
> Remember: Security isn't a part-time job -- it's an imperative, all 37 ½
> hours of the week! 
> Sincerely, Bill 
> The information in this email and in any attachments is confidential and
> may be privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, please destroy
> this message, delete any copies held on your systems and notify the sender
> immediately. You should not retain, copy or use this email for and
> purpose, nor disclose all or any part of its content to any other person.
>

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