[PEN-L:11415] FW: Humor: syntax and irony

["James Michael Craven" <CRAVJM@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

>> Subject: "signs of the times"
>>
>>   The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.
>>
>>   At gas eateries through the nation: Eat here and get gas.
>>
>>   At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a
>>   glass container.
>>
>>   In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses
>>   uncivil ought to see the manager.
>>
>>   On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted
>>   to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
>>
>>   On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the
>>   same spot.
>>
>>   In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but
>>   Sunday.
>>
>>   In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
>>
>>   In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy
>>
>>   On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional
>>   Ass.
>>
>>   In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning
>>   your home.
>>
>>   In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
>>
>>   On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the
>>   Episcopal Church.
>>
>>   On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
>>   possible prices and workmanship.
>>
>>   At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized
>>   personnel.
>>
>>   On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available
>>   in multi-packs.
>>
>>   In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your
>>   wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
>>
>>   In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
>>
>>   In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17
>>   necks.
>>
>>   In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool
>>   suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
>>
>>   On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
>>
>>   Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
>>
>>   In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated
>>   when you can come here?
>>
>>   In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
>>
>>   On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
>>
>>   In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to
>>   leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
>>
>>   In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking
>>   flowers from any but their own graves.
>>
>>   On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
>>
>>   On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without
>>   permission.
>>
>>   On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road
>>   is impassable.
>>
>>   Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't
>>   read this, it's time to wash your car.
>>
>>   And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
>>   untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw
>>   stones at this sign."


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*  James Craven             * " The philosophers have only         *
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