[Marxism] Rumsfeld: Press association will select Iraq leader

["Fred Feldman" <ffeldman@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

http://www.ufppc.org/content/view/1913/
The Borowitz Report
HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION TO CHOOSE NEW IRAQI PRESIDENT
** Awards Ceremony to Replace January Elections **
Borowitz Report
December 15, 2004
http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp
With prospects for Iraq's January 30 elections appearing increasingly
dim, the
The last sentence says it all.
Fred Feldman



White House announced today that the new president of Iraq would be
chosen by
the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, best known for organizing the
star-studded Golden Globe Awards.

Under an unorthodox arrangement, the new Iraqi leader will be announced
two
weeks earlier than scheduled, on January 16, at the 62nd Annual Golden
Globe
Awards in Hollywood.

"By allowing the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to choose Iraq's
new
leader, we will accomplish the most important thing: sticking to our
arbitrary January deadline," said Secretary of Defense Donald H.
Rumsfeld.

Mr. Rumsfeld added that handing over authority to the Hollywood Foreign
Press
Association was the most practical way to choose a new Iraqi president
in a
timely fashion, since the security situation in Hollywood is
"considerably
better" than that in Iraq.

And while the credibility of the Golden Globes has come into question in

recent years, Mr. Rumsfeld argued, "You choose a new Iraqi president
with the
awards ceremony you have, not the awards ceremony you might want.

The Golden Globes decision could spell trouble for interim Iraqi
president
Ghazi al-Yawar, who now faces a crowded field of Hollywood favorites
including
Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Buddy Schlantz, a veteran Hollywood talent agent, said that Mr. al-Yawar
must
begin aggressively courting the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press
Association if he expects to prevail: "If I were al-Yawar, I'd start
ordering
the fruit baskets now.

Elsewhere, Bernard Kerik's nanny resigned today, saying that she wanted
to
spend less time with his family.


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