[Marxism] The Democrats as "spineless, cringing weenies"

[Louis Proyect <lnp3@xxxxxxxxx>]

Counterpunch, November 6, 2004
You Call This a Party?
Some Observations on the Democrats

By BEN TRIPP

Be warned, all ye swine that accuse me of being a Democrat: I have 
developed a technology that allows me to send offensive odors by email, 
and I'm especially interested to know how the 'Montezuma's Leprosy 
Diaper" packet comes through. I was first eligible to vote in the 
election of 1988, which, for those of you interested in math, makes me 
165 in dog years. I remember writing in Frank Zappa on the ballot that 
year, but I also remember both of my arms turning into spoons during a 
Motorhead concert, so who knows. The main thing is I registered 
Independent, and my lack of affiliation hasn't changed since that day. I 
want no part of the Democrats, although I often vote for one, my fists 
jammed in my nostrils; as for voting Republican, words cannot express my 
disapproval, although the letters 'F' and 'U' come close.

Why would a strapping young fellow in the very prime of his decrepitude 
be so bitter? That's a very good question, and the answer is Ethelred 
the Unready, who returned to his throne upon the death of Svein 
Forkbeard in 1014. No, wait, wrong answer. The correct answer is in 1988 
these were the viable candidates: George H.W. Bush Sr., and Michael 
Dukakis. "This," I asked myself, "Is politics?" I figured if I 
registered Independent I wouldn't be offering tacit support to this kind 
of silliness on the part of either party. Nobody could come up to me and 
say, "Hey, aren't you in the same party as Michael Dukakis?" Besides 
which, my political preferences at the time were a mixture of 
Danish-style Social Democracy (Dansk Smørekringle) and radical nihilism. 
Dukakis was closest with Greek-style baklava. Now if you'll pardon a 
professional filmmaker's term, let's 'fast forward' to 2004. ('Fast 
forward' is cinematography jargon meaning 'Charlie Chaplin'). I'm still 
an Independent; who were the big candidates this time? George W. Bush, 
Jr., and John F. Kerry. You have got to be kidding me.

No wonder Bush won. He may be an awful, subhuman tyrant hell-bent on the 
rape and pillage of the entire world, but at least he's brief about it. 
Kerry represents everything that's been wrong with the Democrats for the 
last quarter-century (I exclude Bill Clinton, who was the best 
Republican president ever). Kerry is windy, dull, pompous, overbred, and 
has a giant target painted on the fleshy parts of his extreme lower 
back. When attacked by the Bush team in the predictable pattern experts 
call 'piranhas on crack', Kerry counterattacked a month later by trying 
to look like an idiot. When I saw the picture of him windsurfing in the 
same outfit Rutger Hauer wore at the end of 'Blade Runner', I lost 
consciousness and had to be revived with a Look Magazine photo spread of 
Myrna Loy in a bath of rose petals. The election was over. Between that 
and the bizarre failure of the Democrats to 1) demand verifiable 
receipts (such as Venezuela gets) from the electronic voting machines 
manufactured by Republican activists, and 2) hang Terry McAuliffe by his 
neck until silent, it became clear that they didn't want to win.

Maybe the Democrats just don't want to win, because being president 
after George W. Bush will be like cleaning up the chimp cage after a 
four-year chili-and-tequila binge. Or maybe they've grown accustomed to 
the floggings. Whatever the reason, Kerry's almost immediate concession 
speech following the second-most suspicious election returns in modern 
history seems like a clear indication he'd rather be polite than let it 
rip and get his name on the Oval Office door. No surprise the 
Republicans are calling 51% of the vote a mandate. It's all they need. 
52% would be a landslide. So I remain, as I have remained all these 
years, inutterably disgusted with the spineless, cringing weenies who 
represent all that's left of the at least adequate party of Franklin D. 
'Fear Itself' Roosevelt. The only reason Kerry got the nod this time is 
he was taller than the other guys, so they figured maybe Bush would be 
intimidated.

Bush wasn't intimidated, because he knew the news media was in his 
pocket (hence the bulge under his suit ­ it was Bill O'Reilly), he owned 
the voting machines, his brother owned Florida, Jesus H. Christ had 
given him His personal endorsement, and besides, there's nothing like a 
shot of bourbon after fifteen years sober. Kerry and all the rest of the 
institutional Democrats walked right into the biggest, most obvious trap 
in the world, the kind of setup one normally associates with the victims 
of Jason from the Friday the 13th movies. For this act of quantum 
meta-stupidity I whiz on their graves. Way to energize the voters for 
2008, gang! Boy, this Independent just can't wait to vote for another 
Democrat.

Ben Tripp can be reached at credel@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

His book, 'Square In The Nuts', has been held up at the printers by 
thugs but will be released as soon as hostage negotiations conclude.

See also www.cafeshops.com/tarantulabros.
--
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