[Marxism] Mr. Cranky reviews "Everyone Says I Love You"

[Louis Proyect <lnp3@xxxxxxxxx>]

Everyone Says I Love You

What could possibly be worse than yet another Woody Allen angst-fest? Try a
Woody Allen angst-fest musical.

There's an old joke about Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson never being
seen in the same place at the same time because they're really the same
person. What about Woody Allen and Barbra Streisand? Has anyone actually
seen them in the same room simultaneously? Can they produce photographic
proof?

Why do I say this? Because every single movie either one of them makes
serves but one purpose: trying to convince the world that they're not such
fame-cocooned freaks that they can't maintain normal human relationships.
In "The Mirror Has Two Faces," Barbra beds sane-looking academic Jeff
Bridges. In "Everyone Says I Love You," Woody is divorced from Goldie Hawn
and sleeps with actual adult Julia Roberts. Well, newsflash, "Woobra": In
real life, you'd be lucky to seduce a liquored-up Wilt Chamberlain.

Let's face it: The only way Woody Allen can appear in something
approximating a normal sexual relationship is with the help of special
effects. Who's next on his list of virtual conquests: Pamela Anderson Lee?
The Barbi Twins? As if bedding Julia Roberts weren't indulgent enough,
Woody also continues his tradition of hiring an actor to portray him as a
young man -- in this case Edward Norton who, despite being appropriately
goofy looking, nonetheless gets to bed Drew Barrymore.

By now you're asking yourself: What could possibly be worse than yet
another Woody Allen angst-fest? Try a Woody Allen angst-fest musical.
That's right, this time, Allen's wealthy, liberal upper-West-siders --
including Alan Alda, Hawn, Natalie Portman and Barrymore -- routinely break
out into song, though not a one of them seems to have undergone any real
voice training. It's kind of like being around someone who insists on
singing along with the car radio until all you can think about is shoving
his head into the stick shift so hard that it passes through his skull.


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