THEORIES ABOUND

["LouPaulsen" <LouPaulsen@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

AMAZINGLY, they still haven't found Iraq's thousands of tons of weapons of
mass destruction, even though before the war they knew just where to find
them: in subway tunnels, on ships at sea, etc. etc.  HOW can this possibly
be EXPLAINED?  What HAPPENED to them?  THEORIES ABOUND.  It's a regular
California recall of theories.  However, the microbrewery of death theory
seems to have not had legs.  (If you missed that one, see below.)  First,
the officially surviving theories:

Theories Abound for Failure to Find WMD
2 hours, 44 minutes ago

By JOHN J. LUMPKIN, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) may have possessed weapons of
mass destruction and hid them, the chief U.S. weapons inspector says. Or the
Iraqi dictator may have had the weapons and moved them outside the country
just before the war. Or perhaps Saddam never had them at all, and just
bluffed to appear strong.

Weapons inspector David Kay cited those three theories — and a few others —
on Friday as possible answers to why his survey team has so far failed to
uncover any weapons of mass destruction inside Iraq.  [...]

One, more unusual, theory also has some backing, although it's shakier
[*AHEM*]: that Saddam's scientists were fooling Saddam himself — and were
simply too afraid to tell him he didn't possess any weapons, he said.  [...]

One other theory — that Iraq had arrangements to produce its weapons outside
of the country — has little evidence [****AHEM!!!!****] to support it, he
said.

"We have about five to six working hypotheses that we routinely — actually
every Saturday afternoon — review as to how our data is fitting ... We don't
actually have a favorite," Kay told reporters.
(end of excerpt)
- - - - - - - -

Maybe we should get together a theory futures market and sell options on
these theories (like they wanted to do with assassinations etc.).

Now what my wife and I want to know is, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MICROBREWERIES
OF DEATH THEORY?  Perhaps my wife is the only person in the country who
heard about that!  Perhaps it was a disinformation campaign aimed at our own
personal television!  Last Sunday morning, she had been watching "This Week"
(while in bed, this may be important) and she came out in an irritated state
(often a response to that stimulus) and she started telling me that "You
would not BELIEVE what Colin Powell was saying.  His latest theory is that
they had MICROBREWERIES all over Iraq which were set up so they could be
converted, in as little as 45 MINUTES, to make chemical OR biological OR
nuclear weapons.  I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.  He really SAID THIS."  I
gleefully lay in wait for the media to try to spread this story around, but
saw not a word about it.  The story has "sunk beneath their wisdom like a
stone."  Maybe wiser heads prevailed and they decided that the Bush
administration had been embarrassed enough.  There is, however, the
theoretical possibility that my wife fell asleep while watching Powell and
dreamed this part.  She SWEARS she was awake though, and I defend her line
on the principle of domestic democratic centralism.  Since there is no way
to distinguish Bush administration theories from dreams by their content,
we're sort of confused.  Can anyone else shed any light on this?

Lou Paulsen
Chicago



~~~~~~~
PLEASE clip all extraneous text before replying to a message.