WMD's Found in Iraq

[Jon Flanders <Jon_Flanders@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Dateline:Washington DC: April 12. 2003

Newsflash: The Search is Over, Massive piles of WMD's Found in Iraq

US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld held a news conference today to
announce that teams of US inspectors had found numerous Weapons of
Minimum Destruction(WMD), all over the countryside of Iraq.

"We are horrified to report," Rumsfeld told a breathless Washington
press corps, "that we found piles of these WMD's in all areas we went in
the country. Machine guns, AK 47's and rocket propelled grenades are
heaped everywhere. These weapons are capable of causing terrible
injuries, even death, when they used against humans and other living
things."

"These discoveries", Rumsfeld continued, "should put to rest all the
carping about our reasons for going to war with Iraq.

  Asked by one skeptical journalist if he didn't mean to say "Weapons of
Mass Destruction", Rumsfeld responded testily, "Heavens no, what do you
think we are, barbarians? It's unthinkable that any country would use
weapons of mass destruction. We never accused Iraq of any such thing.
Weapons of minimum destruction are justification enough to take strong
action against any regime that would dare employ them."

  From the back of the room, another reporter asked Rumsfeld if all the
videotapes and articles quoting news conferences and interviews with US
officials where Iraq was accused of possessing weapons of mass destruction
were fabrications. "Absolutely," Rumsfeld responded, "the enemies of
freedom have penetrated the very fabric of our news media, with their
lies and distortions. As part of our war on terrorism, we will deal with
this as well. By the way, on what floor of the hotel is your news
organization located?"

  When another reporter pointed out that most countries in the world had
weapons of minimum destruction as a basic part of their arsenal,
Rumsfeld said "We are compiling as list of malefactor countries now.
Once the Pentagon has run the list through their highly sophisticated
sorting program "Others In Line"(OIL), we will announce shortly the top
ten transgressors and a timetable for troop deployment."
--
Jon Flanders