"Time Traveller" charged with insider trading

[DAVID MURRAY <dmurray@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html?

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003

By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street

wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a
time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old

Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success
in
the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a
pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks'

time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made

capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be
pure
luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information.
He's
going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up
his
sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying
in
their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and
came
out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street
watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough

that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in
advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing
investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more
than
they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years
in
the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of
the
worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the
handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know,

lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just
got
caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge
"historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure

for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time
craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how
it
works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong
hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.
Yet
the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew
Carlssin
existing anywhere before December 2002."