ASK FOR UNCLE LAZARO

[jacdon@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

YOU, TOO, CAN BREAK THE LAW
WITH IMPUNITY. CALL TODAY.
ASK FOR UNCLE LAZARO.

BY STEPHANIE SALTER
San Francisco Examiner
April 17, 2000

Are you ticked off at the federal government for
anything? Hate paying all those taxes, for instance?
Think NASA is a big waste of time and money?
Maybe you just liked the way Old Glory looked with
48 stars and want to rescind Alaska's and Hawaii's
statehood.

We got the solution for you.

Call the 800 number now scrolling across your screen
and find out where the nearest ?Elián's Miami Relatives
School of Civil Disobedience? is located in your area.

Forget everything you ever learned in U.S. government
class in high school. Forget the old Jimmy Stewart
movies. Forget what the cops and judges tell you.
Forget the law!

As Elián González's Miami relatives have proven, this
is the United States of America in 2000, and it's a
whole new ballgame. Let them show you how to play to
win!

   Voiceover and video of Elián's great-uncle Lázaro
   González, standing before a wall of TV cameras, klieg
   lights and reporters:

LG: "Hello! You know my name, you know my face, and by
now, you know I don't take anything from anybody.
Especially the U.S. government.

"You got a beef with the Immigration and
Naturalization Service? Had it up to here with the
decisions those jack-booted municipal, state and
federal judges keep handing down? Sick and tired of
hearing Janet Reno talk about anything?

"Come sign up for a weekend seminar at ?Elián's Miami
Relatives School of Civil Disobedience.? That's right.
In just two days of classes and workshops, you can
learn everything we've learned since Thanksgiving
about doing what you damn well please while the mighty
U.S. government stands around with its finger up its
nose."

   Voiceover and video of Elián's cousin Marisleysis
   González, taking her own blood pressure and pulse then
   falling into a swoon on an overstuffed sofa:

MG: "Do I look stressed out? In need of a hospital bed
and an IV drip of sedatives? Maybe I am, and maybe I'm
not.

"At the ?Elián's Miami Relatives School of Civil
Disobedience? you can learn this effective, time-buying
technique and many, many others.

"Never again will you have to quake at a deadline,
court order or even a request from the President of
the United States. In the finest American tradition of
the Boston Tea Party, we will show you how to spit in
the face of authority and make sure there are 350
television cameras rolling when you do it.

"In just one weekend, you can learn how to attract
support from every pocket of influence in your
community. Need a high-ranking Roman Catholic nun to
give you her seal of approval? We'll show you how.
Always wanted a movie star or pop singer on your side?
Once you pick up a few basic skills, it's as easy as
1-2-3.

"As for politicians ? Uncle Lázaro and I can show you
enough in one workshop to get half of Congress eating
out of your hand."

   Video montage of 38 different speeches in which
   President Clinton and Attorney General Reno say
   firmly, "The boy belongs with his father; he must be
   returned now." The announcer's voiceover:

"Admit it - ever since Elián washed up on the Florida
shore, haven't you been mystified and wondered, 'How
in the hell do his relatives in Miami get away with
this stuff?'

"Well, the answer to that mystery ? and the ticket to
a freedom you have never known ? waits just behind the
doors of any ?Elián's Miami Relatives School of Civil
Disobedience.?

"What are you waiting for? You want to be some
law-abiding chump for the rest of your life?

"Call that 800 number now. We take Visa, MasterCard,
Discover, American Express and Diners. We can arrange
easy payments. Operators are standing by."

(end)