[A-List] How To Win The War In Iraq

[Leigh Meyers <the.buffalo.in.the.midst@xxxxxxxxx>]

From that mess @ William Arkin's Early Warning...
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/earlywarning/2007/02/post_11.html#comments

[ 678 comments and counting, including large boilerplate portions of the 
Federalist papers and all known speeches by Abraham Lincoln, Kennedy, 
Teddy Roosevelt, FDR et al, but no Eisenhower Farewell address.]

This guy's fuuuunnny!

Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain't gonna 
do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was 
last year. And we were losing the war last year! We've already had over 
a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few 
thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass destruction! 
Er, I mean... bringing those responsible for 9/11 to justice! Um, 
scratch that. Try this -- BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST! YES!!!

You've got to show some courage, dude! You've got to win this one! 
C'mon, you got Saddam! You hung 'im high! I loved watching the video of 
that -- just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The hangmen 
were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!

Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you're in. 
As Ricky Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." And you being 
humiliated in front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any good.

Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not 
thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with 
millions of us! I know that you're out of combat-ready soldiers -- so 
you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation 
of 27 million -- Iraq -- is to send in at least 28 million! Here's how 
it would work:

The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will 
quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will 
stay and rebuild the country. Simple.

Now, I know you're saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go 
to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:

1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election 
(the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we 
were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want to 
put their body where their vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know 
many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I know that 
they don't believe someone else should have to go and fight their fight 
for them -- while they hide here in America.

2. Start a "Kill an Iraqi" Meet-Up group in cities across the country. I 
know this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou Dobbs 
Meet-Up and, I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the third 
mojito. I'm sure you'll get another five million or so enlistees from 
this effort.

3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were 
your collaborators in bringing us this war -- and many of them are 
already trained from having been "embedded!" If that doesn't bring the 
total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.

Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don't 
be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people 
behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave no 
conservative behind! Full speed ahead!

We promise to write. Go get 'em W!

Posted by: John Boy