A-list message, [A-List] Ashcroft Intelligence Program

FBI to Focus on "Faith-Based Investigations"

WASHINGTON (Plausible News Service) -- Attorney General John Ashcroft has quietly begun an initiative within the Justice
Department to utilize the omniscience of God Himself in the war against terrorism.

"If there's anybody who knows when the next attack will occur, it's the Lord," said a Justice Department official speaking on
deep background. "And the only reason that He didn't tell us about the last one is simple -- we didn't ask Him."

Ashcroft plans to spend a period of forty days and forty nights this summer fasting and praying at an undisclosed location
somewhere in Utah. With him will be a number of hand-picked agents -- "prophets in training," said our source -- who will
be petitioning the Lord for "words of knowledge" about terrorist activities.

"It's clearly the right thing to do," said a spokesperson for the Rev. Pat Robertson, whose "700 Club" broadcasts frequently
feature segments where the hosts enter a state of prayer and ask for healing to be sent to specific people in the viewing
audience. (For instance, in a recent broadcast, Robertson said, "There's a man in Raleigh, NC suffering from intestinal
blockage -- that blockage is now healed by the power of the Lord.")

"In fact," said the Justice Department official, "we may be able to use intercessory prayer to either bring about a change
of heart in would-be terrorists, or to cause circumstances to prevent their plans coming to fruition."

In a related development, the Federal Bureau of Investigation is to be renamed the "Faith-Based Investigations Agency." In
the newly retitled agency, so-called "prophet-agents" in the field will be invested with authority to investigate "wherever
the Spirit leads them."