[A-List] Destrucive creation: A supply-and-demand situation

[Sabri Oncu <soncu@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

East meets West on love's risky cyberhighway
By Fred Weir | Special to The Christian Science Monitor
June 11, 2002 edition

MOSCOW - Alevtina Ivanova and other Russian bachelorettes like
her are looking for a few good men ? abroad.

"Unfortunately, in our collapsed economy, very few men are able
to support a family properly," she says.

"Russian men lack confidence, they become fatalistic, they drink,
they die young. It's not surprising that Russian women pin their
hopes elsewhere."

Ms. Ivanova, a veteran of half-a-dozen serious cyberrelationships
with European and American men, is among thousands of Russian
women turning to the Internet to meet Westerners. The potential
suitors are equally frustrated with the dating prospects in their
home countries.

"American women are too independent, too demanding, too
critical," says Chris, a middle-aged US businessman visiting
Moscow to meet "several very nice ladies" he contacted over the
Web. The visitor, who asked that his last name not be used, cites
a joke often repeated here: "A Russian wife wants to keep house
for you. An American wife wants to get rid of you, and keep the
house."

Dozens of Web-based agencies are busy playing match- maker, for
fees paid by both the women, who send in their pictures and bios
for posting on international websites, and the men, who can
obtain contact information for the women who pique their
interest.

The agencies claim that romance is blossoming all over, and that
thousands of happy Russian e-mail order brides head West every
year.

"We get about 300 applicants every single day, mostly women,"
says Anna Kuznetsova, manager of Eye-2-Eye, a large, Moscow-based
international dating agency. "The technology may be modern, but
the process of men meeting women is as ancient as time."

Though there are no firm statistics, it is estimated that between
4,000 and 6,000 women from the former USSR marry US citizens each
year. One agency currently lists 25,000 women from Russia and
other former Soviet republics seeking Western mates; there are
dozens more agencies, each offering thousands of would-be brides.
Some agencies have branched into travel, translation and other
services to profit from what they say is an exploding traffic.

While some describe these international e-introductions as
offering matches made in heaven, others see nightmares in
cyberspace.

"People bring their illusions as well as their dreams to this
market," says Tatiana Gurko, head of the independent Center for
Gender Studies in Moscow. "Like any physical place, the Internet
has predators lurking about, and sometimes they may be hard to
spot."

Western men increasingly report being ripped off by wily Russian
women, who write sweet e-mails, send sexy digital photos, hit
them up for cash, and then disappear.

On the other side, tales filtering back to Russia of Internet
marriages gone sour ? including the murder of a Russian
mail-order bride in the US ? have put women on their guard.

But Ivanova, who now works as an adviser to DiOritz, a large
Moscow matchmaking agency, says that, although none of her
cyber-relationships have led to marriage, she has had no
regrettable experiences.

"You can find out everything you need to know about a man in five
e-mails," she says breezily. "Men are fairly obvious, you just
need to question them properly."

To her, the requirements on both sides are clear: "A woman need
only be attractive and educated, but a man must have property,
means, and a good job."

Yelena Khronina, who plans to soon wed "a wonderful Norwegian
man" she met via the Internet, says her dream has come true.

"It's so hard to be a woman in Russia," Ms. Khronina sighs. "But
then you visit this beautiful, orderly, prosperous country, and
spend time with a man who treats you with kindness and respect.
Why would anyone say no to that?"

The potential dangers of dabbling in cyberromance are dramatized
in a recent film, Birthday Girl, in which Nicole Kidman plays a
mail order bride from Moscow who brings a gang of Russian mafia
thugs crashing into the life of her English bank-clerk beau. In
real life, the sting is usually more mundane: An unsuspecting
Western man falls in love after a few gushing e-mail exchanges
with a false identity posted on a Web site ? sometimes the photos
are actually of a Russian actress or fashion model ? and is
persuaded to wire cash for a ticket to visit him, or to meet some
personal emergency.

"A woman can string a man along, playing on his emotions and
sympathy and, in doing so, trick him into giving her money or
expensive items," says Paul O'Brien, a US Web designer who has
temporarily given up his search for a Russian wife after being
burned by two women who just wanted money from him.

Mr. O'Brien says he resorted to the Internet because of America's
fast-paced, impersonal and workaholic culture. "A lot of guys I
know work many, many hours and do not have time for a social
life," he says. "So it seems particularly appealing to them when
these agencies offer to help them make contact with beautiful and
single women," he says, but warns: "Prospective suitors need to
be very wary of the women out there who have no intention of
developing a relationship with them."

Most of the known scams are now listed on a special website
supported by several matchmaking agencies,
http://www.russian-scam.org/

Russian women insist it is they who face the greatest hazards.
Many have heard about Anastasia Solovyova, a Russian from the
former Soviet republic of Kyrgyztan, who was murdered by her
American husband two years ago. She had been his second mail-
order bride. Experts say there are many more tales of miserable,
and sometimes tragic, mismatches.

"You come to a strange country, to meet a man you've only
corresponded with by e-mail," says Ivanova. "There are issues of
language, culture and personal morality. It takes a lot of trust,
and for some women it goes badly wrong."

After her many encounters, Ivanova says she now advises her
clients not to consider men from the US at all. "American men are
not cultured, they work too much and think far too much about
money," she says. "Western European men are different. When they
correspond with a prospective bride, they look upon it as forming
a relationship. American men act as if they're buying a wife."

In any case, the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, which brought the
Russian and US governments closer together may, paradoxically,
have put at least a temporary damper on the love fest.

Tamara Babkina, deputy director of Wedding Palace No. 4, which is
the only office in Moscow where foreigners can legally marry,
says that until last year, Americans were the largest group
marrying Russian women. "We had 175 US-Russian weddings in 2001,
but since Sept. 11 there has not been a single one," Ms. Babkina
says.

While no one wants to go on the record criticizing love, some
experts argue that the Westward outflow of Russian women must be
viewed as a baneful social indicator.

"Russia has become the world's leading exporter of wives, and
this is a tremendously profitable business," says Ms. Gurko.

"It may be a real supply-and-demand situation," she says, "but
let's try to remember that this vast supply of terrific women is
made up of individuals whose hopes have been crushed in Russia.

"It's so sad that, in order to seek a better life, a Russian
woman has to leave."

Full at:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0611/p01s04-wogn.html